


Books, Wine, and Grefneklogs

by slartibartfast



Category: Black Books, Doctor Who
Genre: Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-11-14
Updated: 2009-11-14
Packaged: 2017-10-02 17:00:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 571
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8653
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/slartibartfast/pseuds/slartibartfast
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's been a quiet day for Bernard, but with a Time Lord nearby, that's about to change.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Books, Wine, and Grefneklogs

Bernard Black's day had been going well. The shop had been open a whole hour and no one had come in to bother him. Manny was nowhere to be seen, there was half a bottle of semi-decent wine on the side, and he had a slightly-more-than-mediocre book in his hands. Perfect.

Of course, that sort of thing never lasts long. The silence was broken abruptly by the throwing open of a door. Bernard didn't look up from his book - he _refused_, he'd hold onto this peaceful afternoon for just a little bit longer and it would fine. There were a couple of pairs of legs crashing into the room all dramatically and he really thought it was all very over the top. Especially when the nutters half-collided into his meticulously disorganised desk and forced themselves into his line of vision.

He sighed and lifted his eyes from the book. "What?" he demanded. There were two of them. They were both unattractively sweaty and out of breath.

The fierce ginger woman with the big breasts put her hands down on the desk. "We need a book."

Bernard paused, thought this over, then nodded. "I think we've got some of them."

"A big book," said the tall, skinny man with the terrifyingly upright hair. "A big, heavy, thick one with lots of paper."

"This one?" Bernard asked, offering his own. It was only a few hundred pages long and rather a normal book size, but he really wanted them to go away. "This one's got paper."

"Donna, _don't_," said the tall man to his friend. Bernard looked at her. She had grabbed the bottle of wine and looked quite ready to swing at him.

He stood up and ducked back quickly, dropping his own book. Then, as an afterthought, he lunged forwards for the wine. "Give me that back."

"Find us a bloody book," said this crazy Donna lady, "and I'll think about it."

"Sorry about her," said the man.

"Shut it, Doctor," snapped Donna.

'Doctor' ignored her and gave Bernard an energetic grin. "She gets a little touchy when there are big slimy monsters scared of nothing but large lumps of paper chasing us."

Bernard narrowed his eyes suspiciously. Either these strange characters were completely insane, or this was some kind of alcohol-related hallucination. After a slow careful thought process which went absolutely nowhere, he decided on the latter. It was easier. Besides, hallucinations couldn't steal his wine. He sat down and pointed. "There are some big books over there. Just take one."

"Are you sure?" asked 'Doctor', while the woman basically catapulted in that direction.

The wine was back in place, Bernard noted with a triumphant smile, and nodded. "Yeah. You're a hallucination so it'll be fine."

"Good, 'cause I haven't got any money," said the man.

The couple were halfway out of the door with a humongous book when Manny walked in. "Oh! Hi Doctor," the imbecile chirped.

"Good to see you, Manny! Can't stop to chat," the Doctor said, his voice raising an octave. "We're being chased by a Grefneklog."

"Oh! Good luck with that," Manny called after them as they disappeared. He strolled over to park himself on the chair irritatingly close to Bernard. "I see you met the Doctor. Nice man. I _did_ think I saw the TARDIS earlier."

"Leave me alone. I'm recovering from a very annoying hallucination," said Bernard, and went back to his book.


End file.
